Letter

Dear You,


This is a long overdue letter,and for that I am sorry.In fact,a lot of what i want to say in this letter is about apologizing.I never made a conscious choice to hurt you.And yet I have-in so many different ways. Strangely enough,my motivation for doing most of the abusive stuff I did to you was about trying to make me-us feel better.
From as far as I remember , I never felt completely normal,or at least what i thought was normal.I would look at other guy and they just seemed better,smarter and basically more together.I realize now that we all struggle and probably all feel like everyone else is more blessed with something that we didn’t get.
I am sorry for the way I treated you.I am sorry for the things I have said and for the complete lack of faith I have had in you at times.I apologize for not regarding you in the way you deserve,and most of all for not placing you needs above all others.I have looked everywhere but to you for the love I need.I have done things and acted in ways that are shameful.all in the name of earning someone else love,when all the time there you were just waiting for me to look inward.
I know you know that our journey will be a long one,and it will be far from easy.I am afraid that I will fail again,and there is a voice that speaks loudly warning me not to even try,that I am only asking for disappointment.But you deserve a hundred more attempts at getting it right and if that is what it takes,well then,a hundred more it will be.
I know ,as you do,that the journey will be filled steps forward,followed by steps back.But that is okay.Each day I will wake up with a renewed effort and a humble prayer for the guidance I need to get back to you and to be spirit that is truly me.
I know you forgive me and I am so grateful for that.Today is a new day and,with you love and support, I will take those small,but very important,steps forward.


By Love,
Me